November 6th 2009
Last Wednesday, a laser powered robot strongly signaled a future global recession by ascending 900 meters up a cable suspended from a helicopter at Edwards Air Force Base. The robot climber reached the top of its prognostication in slightly more than 4 minutes, averaging 3.7 meters per second. When asked if it was sure about its predictions it repeated its dire warning concerning the future global economic crisis by ascending the cable again on Thursday at a speed of 3.9 meters.
NASA, not to be outdone by the fed, subsidized this bold malinvestment by awarding the robot's parent company with a $900,000 prize. The Seattle based company, LaserMotive, installed solar cells on its robotic creation and fired ground based infrared lasers at them in attempt to motivate this mechanical oracle to as to the possible timing of a future global economic meltdown.
While the robot was silent on the actual date of the coming financial crisis, its clear signals of the impending disaster were downplayed by an anonymous NASA official who called the catastrophe a 'distant prospect'